I have taken a poll of my friends, and the results are in: no one who actually knows me finds me intimidating. In fact, it seems I have a reputation for putting people at ease in conversation. I felt the need to conduct this research this because I have been getting some strange results in …
Gender is not a two-party system, that much is clear. As with almost all such categories, you find more variation within groups than between them. Some men like football and guns, while others are into cooking and fashion—and the same goes for women. No matter how you parse it, gender is a clock rather than …
“Surveys show that in the online dating world, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.” That’s a quote from When Strangers Click: Five Stories from The Internet, a new non-fiction film premiering on HBO on Valentine’s Day. Despite the gender-based disproportion (after all, one dread entails mortal …
In winter darkness, can you close your eyes and remember the taste of a ripe apricot? Can you recall the bittersweet green scent left on your hand as you harvest a tomato an instant before the bursting-point? I’ve reached the six-month point in my online dating experience, and it feels like a small milestone: no …
How much does the past constrain the future? To what degree are we bound by the chain of causality? In many forms—inherited guilt, pathways of desire, the freedom of art—the past week has brought these questions to my attention. The more I ponder them, the more I am convinced that the answer encompasses opposites. We …
Human resilience is a flat-out mystery. I’ve had a great many occasions lately to tell bits and pieces of my childhood. Online dating-world is awash in reminiscence: where did you grow up? Are you close to your family? Some profiles even stipulate it: I’m looking for a partner who had a happy childhood and loves …
This is my second dispatch from the brave new world of online dating, just over a month after I posted the first one. This essay comes with a premium, like the toy in a box of Cracker Jack: a pocket guide to constructive curiosity, a skill that will improve any man’s chances of dating success. …
It’s been well over a month since I was persuaded to try online dating. All in all, it’s been much more fun and interesting than I anticipated when I announced my intention to try it. Returning to dating after many years, I am compelled to state the obvious: things have changed. Those changes shine a …
“The personal is political.” If you were sentient in the sixties and seventies, you heard it almost daily. No doubt, you also said it now and then. It still echoes occasionally around the Zeitgeist, but with a less commanding tone. It’s been a little over a year since I left a decades-long marriage, and I …